8 things I've learned in 8 years of marriage

Today marks eight years since Jay and I said our wedding vows. Can you believe it?? We definitely knew that we wanted spend our lives together, but we never really knew exactly what life would bring us. It has been an amazing journey; one that I feel is just getting started. We began without a penny to our name and very little direction. Now, with a couple more kids later, several moves, and hectic schedules, there is one thing we know for sure. There is no one else with whom we’d rather share the ride.

As I was thinking of the years gone by, I thought that I would share some lessons that I have learned along the way. Most of these I have learned “the hard way,” and some were passed down from others. And to be honest, some of them I’m still working on.

1.If you think that marriage should be a 50/50 partnership, you are in for a rude awakening. There are days when you will give 80%, and he’ll only give 20%. And other days when he’ll give 60% and you’ll only give 40%. As long as you both strive for 100%, you should be okay. Quit keeping tabs. It does neither one of you any good.

2.Let him have his time “with the boys.” As long as it’s good clean fun, you are giving him something that he needs. I have learned that he usually comes home a little more rejuvenated and ready to give you his full attention.

3.If you want him to help clean house, accept the way that he does it. If you can’t, clean it yourself.

4.Do not assume that he knows exactly why you are mad, and that he’s just playing dumb. He most likely does not know that you are upset, and especially does not know the reason why. You have to communicate this clearly to him. Don’t let it simmer until you’ve worked it up to be much bigger that it ever was.

5.Release unfair expectations. Just because he doesn’t live up to every detail of what your “perfect husband” is, does not mean that he does not love you. As long as he gives you the best of himself, accept it with open arms.

6.Practice Random Acts of Kindness. I believe this is more important than flowers on Valentines Day, or a big gift for a birthday. Pick up his favorite soda while you’re out and about. Put gas in his car when it’s on empty (or he could do this for you). Take out the trash if it’s normally his job. Put a towel in the dryer to heat up while he’s in the shower on a cold winter day. Make his favorite meal. You get the point. These little gestures say “I love you” better than anything else.

7.Be flexible and compromise. Yes, your way is probably the right way. But sometimes you just have to choose your battles. He needs to know that you respect him as a man and as a partner.

8.And finally, challenge each other. Learn from each other. Jay and I enjoying helping each other become the best that we can be. He has taught me a lot of things that I never knew or thought that I cared to know. And vice versa.

Reflecting on these past several years brings back many memories. At the same time, it makes me want to really slow down and savor the next 8 years. We get so caught up in the daily routine that it’s easy to look back and smile, but I want to relish these moments as they happen!