Project #1
30 Minutes is All it Takes
Create Some Free Time When He Gets Home
“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
Your Project:
Focus on your husband’s transitional 30 minutes today. Would he like to be left alone to rest and rejuvenate, or does he want some undivided attention from you? The point is to let your husband know you value what he does out in the world, and that he has a safe loving place to come home and get refreshed at the end of the day.
Getting Creative
There are plenty of reasons why it might not be easy for you to give your husband some transition time at the end of the day. You need to look at what can work for your relationship. Be creative, like the stories listed below. Brainstorm with your friends until you find a situation that will work for you and your guy.
- My friend, Joann, purposely scheduled her daughter’s dance classes twice a week at the same hour that her husband gets home from work. That way, her hubby comes home to an empty house. He gets some quiet, and she gets a more peaceful man.
- One husband has his workshop out in the garage. His wife encourages him to go and hang out there for a while before dinner. (Since starting this arrangement, her husband has started helping out with the after-dinner clean up. Nice side benefit.)
- Crockpots are The Husband Project’s best friend. Set your crockpot to be finished thirty minutes after your husband gets home from work. Let him know that you don’t need anything until dinner is ready. Don’t know a crockpot from a flower pot? Check out the recipes in The Ultimate Guide to Man Food at www.kathilipp.com
- Does your husband already have a great transition routine after getting home? Find some other little thing to bless that time. Maybe it’s making sure the TV is available, his favorite sweats are clean and ready to be changed into, or there’s a cold soda waiting for him in the fridge. It may be so small that he doesn’t even notice. That’s okay – you’ll know what you did.
- What if your husband works from home? Maybe the best way to help him relax is to ask what he would like the schedule to be. Does he want dinner before or after he gets some time to recharge? Ask him what would make his night better.
Christy’s note: This was especially hard for me when I worked outside the home. Jay would get home and I immediately needed him to do this and that, when all he wanted to do is sit in front of the TV and CHILL OUT. He would say that once he has settled in, he would help out with whatever I needed. Well, I needed help RIGHT THEN. I used to resent this about him. See, I liked to come home from work, get everything done (dinner, baths, homework, clean up) and then relax once the kids were in bed. Sometimes it’s hard for us women to relax amidst the clutter and other “things to do.” What I didn’t realize is that I was trying to force Jay to conform to MY way of doing things. That’s not right. I needed to understand his needs as a man as well. He wasn’t trying to be selfish, he just need time to transition from his day at work. I wish I had learned this lesson sooner!
***BTW- you can comment on these posts the next day as well since some of the tasks take place in the evening hours.
7 comments:
This is really neat what you're doing Christy. Can't wait to read what everyone writes. Unfortunately I won't be able to participate because of our different work schedules. :( John has his own routine and I have mine during the week, but we SO look forward to being with each other on the weekends. :)
Have fun with this ladies!
I have to agree with what you have said. Even though I have been a stay at home mom for a few years now. I still get caught up in the "I need help RIGHT NOW" as soon as Ben walks in the door. Usually with the kids so I can get dinner on the table. I guess I never really thought that he needed time to unwind from work, I know selfish. But I just always thought he has been out of the house, in peace and quiet for 8 hours, I need him to help me as soon as he walks in the door. I will have to give this a try and see if this helps our "transition" period after he gets home from work. I'm so excited you are doing this Christy. I just actually ordered the book last night:)
For today's "project" I realized so many times when David just wants a few moments of my un-divided attention that I find myself saying "Let me do this first" or "I've got to do this real quick" and he gets kinda frustrated because I won't just stop and spend a few moments with him. He isn't asking for hours..just a few moments that matter. So, today when he asked me to come just lay down with him and rest a few minutes, I did it. Without hesitation, without comment, without telling him all the reasons it was inconvenient or not good timing. It was amazing how much we both enjoyed just laying down for a few minutes, holding each other & talking. It meant a lot to him and taught me that the things I get busy doing will always be there after I've spent a few minutes with my hubby when he asks.
Usually when Paul gets home from work I think it's HIS job to go straight to the baby and play since I've had her all day at work with me. So when he walked in he came straight to her and he said "Brentley just let me take a quick shower and I'm all yours." In the mean time she and I played in the floor then took her outside. Oddly enough, a neighbor that we never see, came over and talked to me and Brentley for an hour. We came in and spent the rest of our time as a family. Tonight he actually said "This has been the best night!" I asked "Why?" he said it's just what I wanted to do, just chill out! Weird! He doesn't know about the challenge. Was he impressed about day one or was it coincidence?
I, too, am guilty of wanting my husband to relieve me every day when he gets home from work. Today we did something different and met at the zoo so I tried to pull the wagon most of the time so he wouldn't be so exhausted. When we got home, we were all very tired so I told him to go and rest while I fixed our son's dinner, then I fixed his and called him into the kitchen. He seemed to enjoy the down time. Thanks for this challenge, I think it will help me a lot. :)
This is already challenging to me! It made me realize, just like you pointed out, that I cannot force my husband into my routine. I have my own way of doing things and he has his own way. My husband, like yours, likes to come home, relax, and then decide right before bedtime to do everything he needs to do! Our usual Monday routine consists of Robbie coming home after Ryder is already in bed. He mows a large yard so it takes him several hours after work. He comes home and eats after he is finished. I decided to put a twist on our routine yesterday and we had dinner at my parent's before he went to mow. He was able to have some down time with Ryder and play and eat before he had to finish up his day's work. He seemed more refreshed last night and appreciated getting to spend some time with Ryder.
I work at home, so when Darrell gets home, I am so ready to go somewhere, talk to someone, vent frustrations, etc. Last night, I allowed him to decide what to do for dinner, he wanted to go out. He picked the place he wanted, then afterwards wanted ice cream. So I drove him through Bruster's (yum!) and then we came home. I actually handed him the remote and he looked at me like I was crazy. He watched some history channel thing for awhile and THEN I finally got to watch the bachelorette. Whew! That was hard, but I could tell he appreciated it! I need to defer to him more often in that area. I am usually the one who jumps him at the door with this or that and hogs the TV.
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